Self-reliance Keys to Happiness Cute Self Acceptance the Key to True Happiness
Self Acceptance The Key To True Happiness from Self-Reliance Keys to Happiness, source:www.dumblittleman.com

Independence and Self-Reliance Keys to Happiness

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Thinkingclearly –  Self-Reliance Keys to Happiness.
“As the price of liberty is vigilance- so the price of independence is self-determination, the price of dignity is self-assertion, and thei pricei ofi respecti isi self-respect,” wrotei psychiatristi Dr. Thomasi Szasz.

Self-determination andi self-respect arei thei necessaryi keysi mosti unhappy peoplei needi toi graspi thei concepti ofi takingi fulli responsibilityi fori andi controli overi theiri owni lives. Untili theyi findi thisi key, dissatisfiedi peoplei dreami thati therei isi someonei elsei whoi cani makei {iti better”, whoi cani takei totali carei ofi them, whoi cani bei responsiblei fori themi morei effectivelyi thani theyi can. Thisi condemnsi themi toi searchingi fori thei personi whoi cani protecti andi carei fori them.

self-reliance and happiness beginsi wheni wei realizei howi falsei andi destructivei thisi dreami is;i wheni wei understandi thati noi onei cani takei carei ofi usi betteri andi thati onlyi wei arei responsiblei fori ouri lives;i andi wheni wei starti toi learni effectivei methodsi fori doingi thesei thingsi ourselves.

Byi developing self-reliance and independence, whichi isi thei abilityi toi takei carei ofi andi bei responsiblei fori yourself, youi acquire:

Emotional Competence

Thei emotionali toolsi necessaryi toi freei yourselfi fromi dependency. Toi bei responsiblei isi toi bei ablei toi makei effectivei decisionsi andi choicesi fori yourself, toi weighi alternatives, andi toi evaluatei ethicali dilemmasi andi solvei problems.

Wheni ai problemi arises, thei independenti personi hasi acquiredi thei skillsi iti takesi toi facei iti squarely, learnsi asi muchi asi possiblei abouti it, considersi manyi options, weighsi thei possiblei outcomei ofi eachi option, andi perhapsi seeksi advicei andi counseli beforei reachingi ai decision. Asi ani independenti andi self-relianti person, youi cani aski directlyi fori help, buti youi remaini ini chargei ofi howi muchi andi whati kindi ofi helpi youi accept, andi youi makei cleari agreementsi abouti whati isi expectedi ini return.

Inner Role Model

Wheni youi developi self-reliance andi independencei withini yourself, youi alsoi arei developingi thei rolei modelsi thati enablei youi toi choosei appropriatei friendsi andi ai suitablei mate. Thei interactioni youi havei withi yourselfi isi ai rolei modeli fori alli youri otheri relationships. Fori example, ifi youi criticizei yourselfi frequently, you’rei morei likelyi toi stayi aroundi othersi whoi arei critical, becausei iti feelsi familiar.

Likewise, self-reliance andi independence ini yourselfi alsoi helpsi youi seei iti ini others. Wheni youi havei ai caring, responsiblei relationshipi withi yourself, youi developi ani internali relationshipi modeli toi usei asi ai basisi fori youri friendshipsi andi intimatei relationshipsi withi others. Asi youi becomei morei experiencedi ati identifyingi healthyi friendships, youri circlei ofi goodi friendsi grows-beginningi withi youri relationshipi withi yourself, expandingi toi ai fewi newi friends, andi eventuallyi growingi intoi ai supportivei “family” ofi choicei whoi reinforcei youri autonomyi andi independence.

Self-Understanding

Youi gaini thei understandingi thati youi arei responsiblei fori yourselfi andi musti learni whateveri youi needi toi makei youri lifei successful, functionali andi happy;i ratheri thani waitingi aroundi fori someonei else, ori tryingi toi gaini another’si approval.

Takingi carei ofi andi beingi responsiblei fori yourselfi requiresi skillsi thati arei usuallyi learnedi ini earlyi childhood. However, wei don’ti alwaysi geti thei healthyi positivei examplesi wei need, soi wei growi upi withouti thei necessaryi learning. Thisi isi noti unusual, ori entirelyi thei faulti ofi ouri parents. Ifi youi werei graduallyi taughti andi encouragedi toi bei self-relianti fromi earlyi childhood, youi wouldi learni thei necessaryi skillsi andi attitudesi fori autonomousi livingi onei stepi ati ai time. Unfortunatelyi fori manyi ofi us, ouri parentsi werei noti trainedi ini autonomyi either, andi couldi noti teachi us.

Eveni thei populari ideai ofi parents’i “responsibility” fori childreni cani bei counter-productive. Parentsi whoi seei theiri rolei asi controllingi theiri offspringi ratheri thani teachingi themi toi makei choicesi oni theiri own, teachesi thei childreni dependencyi ratheri thani independence.

Anotheri reasoni self-reliance cani seemi difficulti isi becausei mosti ofi ouri societyi activelyi discouragesi it. Mediai imagesi ofi lovei andi caring, ai parentali “Ii knowi what’si besti fori you” attitudei amongi helpingi professionals, religiousi andi politicali figures, andi thei generallyi acceptedi ideai ofi parents’i “duty” createi ani atmospherei ini whichi independencei appearsi toi bei selfishi andi alien. Wei arei taughti toi valuei caringi fori othersi toi thei pointi ofi martyrdom, andi toi regardi caringi fori ourselvesi asi “self-centered” andi “egotistic”.

Childreni whoi don’ti learni caringi fori others, self-lovei andi self-controli (asi opposedi toi guilti andi duty)i becomei dependenti andi insecurei adults.

Recoveryi programsi challengei thesei attitudesi byi definingi caringi fori othersi withouti regardi fori selfi asi “codependency” andi “enabling”. Twelve-Stepi programsi suchi asi ACAi andi Al-Anoni havei popularizedi ai concepti longi establishedi ini psychologyi theory:i thati iti isi unhealthyi toi bei tooi dependenti oni another. However, whilei alli thesei havei indicatedi thati dependencyi isi unhealthy, theyi haven’ti yeti learnedi toi valuei self-reliance.

Contraryi toi whati youi mayi think, self-reliance andi independencei actuallyi enhancei relationshipsi withi others, andi allowi givingi andi receivingi toi bei trulyi unconditional. Onlyi ai personi whoi isi fullyi ablei toi carei fori himi ori herselfi cani bei freei toi lovei andi givei freely;i deprivedi peoplei givei grudgingly.

High on Learning

Asi children, ouri naturali curiosityi isi powerful. Ini fact, youngi childreni arei smalli “learningi machines”. Theiri wholei beingi isi focusedi oni learningi throughi theiri fivei senses. Researchi showsi thati childreni arei “turnedi on” byi situationsi ini whichi theyi cani learn. Theiri bodiesi producei hormonesi suchi asi adrenalinei andi endorphins-naturali substancesi thati producei ai “naturali high”-thei body’si own, internali motivationi andi rewardi systemi fori learning.

Wheni facedi withi ai newi experience, asi longi asi theyi feeli safei andi unthreatened, youngi childreni arei highlyi motivatedi toi explorei andi learn. Securei toddlersi arei irresistiblyi drawni toi brighti colors, newi sounds, andi newi experiences-theyi findi youri jinglingi cari keysi fascinating. Toi ai childi whoi hasi supportive, loving, functionali parents, thei worldi isi ai fun, safei placei toi be, andi learningi isi exciting, andi exhilarating. Childreni whoi feeli securei arei compelledi byi theiri joyi ini learningi toi venturei forth, toi begini toi takei smalli risks, andi begini toi acti independentlyi ofi theiri parents. Iti isi ini takingi thesei risks, underi parentali supervisioni andi supporti ati first, andi increasinglyi independentlyi asi thei childi growsi older, thati thei necessaryi skillsi ofi self-reliance arei firsti learned.

Independencei growsi outi ofi thesei healthyi learningi experiences. Throughi takingi risks, wei learni howi toi solvei problems, andi alsoi howi toi deali effectivelyi withi disappointmenti andi failure. Wheni wei havei learnedi thesei skills, ouri experiencesi withi lifei arei successful, producingi confidencei thati wei cani relyi oni ourselvesi toi experiment, toi solvei newi problemsi wei encounter, andi toi comforti ouri disappointmenti andi correcti ouri mistakes. Wheni wei knowi thesei things, wei knowi wei cani takei carei ofi ourselves.

Frightened, insecurei children, oni thei otheri hand, arei dependenti oni thei adultsi aroundi them. Theiri worldi isi tooi insecurei toi risk, andi theyi looki toi othersi toi solvei theiri problemsi andi carei fori theiri feelings. Beingi unawarei ofi youri motives, feelings, wantsi andi internali dialoguei leavesi youi outi ofi control, unablei toi figurei outi howi toi satisfyi yourself. Iti is, indeedi asi thoughi youi don’ti owni youri life, asi thoughi someonei elsei musti runi it.

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